Iranians Terrified by UN Resolution

Here is a sarcastic piece from Scott Ott regarding the impotence of the UN Security Council. Read and ponder…

(NEW YORK) — The United Nations Security Council yesterday passed a resolution calling on Iran to halt uranium enrichment by the end of April or face the looming specter of a “virtual mushroom cloud” of additional Security Council discussions and resolutions.

Iran immediately called the non-binding resolution “a terrifying deployment of words that threatens our women, our children and our peaceful way of life.”

The measure, which carries no consequences for non-compliance, nevertheless contains active verbs, challenging vocabulary and deliberate punctuation that pose a “clear and present danger” to the people of Iran, according to an unnamed spokesman for the Islamic Republic.

“The brutal thugs on the Security Council have us over a barrel,” the Iranian source said. “Our people are filled with fear. We are at the mercy of the United Nations.”

Holding one-tenth of the world’s known oil reserves and the second largest natural gas reserves, Iran desperately needs enriched uranium only to generate electricity, and not to make nuclear weapons to wipe Israel from the map.” – Scott Ott / ScrappleFace

We doubt Israel will sit idle waiting for the rest of the world to grow some balls to confront Iran’s perverted ambitions of religious world domination. You can bet that the battle plans to disrupt their progress towards nuclear warhead manufacturing are already drawn up in Tel Aviv and Washington however!

Mr. Ahmadinejad’s defiant rhetoric is based on a strategy known in Middle Eastern capitals as “waiting Bush out.” “We are sure the U.S. will return to saner policies,” says Manuchehr Motakki, Iran’s new Foreign Minister.

Mr. Ahmadinejad believes that the world is heading for a clash of civilizations with the Middle East as the main battlefield. In that clash Iran will lead the Muslim world against the “Crusader-Zionist camp” led by America. Mr. Bush might have led the U.S. into “a brief moment of triumph.” But the U.S. is a “sunset” (ofuli) power while Iran is a sunrise (tolu’ee) one and, once Mr. Bush is gone, a future president would admit defeat and order a retreat as all of Mr. Bush’s predecessors have done since Jimmy Carter.

Taliban Lite

Bird Flu Vaccine Protects Half The People Who Take It

“According to researchers, a new experimental bird flu (avian flu) vaccine protects 54% of people who get two shots at a very high dose (90 micrograms). This dose is twelve times higher than that needed for protection from normal human flu.

You can read about this research in the New England Journal of Medicine (NEJM).

451 volunteers took part in this trial.

70% of those who got the shot had some kind of immune response, however, it was not possible to know how protective this response might be, said the researchers”

Sen. Clinton Solves Illegal Immigration Crisis

Some pointed satire from Scott Ott on the current debate over Legal/Illegal Immigration. The political winds are blowing at a catagory 4 working on a 5. Both parties are freaked over this issue!!!

March 27, 2006
Sen. Clinton Solves Illegal Immigration Crisis
by Scott Ott

(2006-03-27) — After a House-passed illegal immigration bill sparked massive protest rallies in Los Angeles and elsewhere over the weekend, Senator Hillary Clinton today introduced legislation that would grant all illegal aliens a new, “less judgmental” status.

“My plan will help pre-legal Americans escape the unfair stigma that’s placed on them just because they broke the law,” said Sen. Clinton, who last week criticized the House bill which she said “would literally criminalize the Good Samaritan and probably even Jesus himself.”

Sen. Clinton, wearing her ‘WWJD?’ bracelet (the acronym means What Would Jesus Do?), said her bill would make it a felony for employers or border patrol agents to discriminate against people who have not yet been granted immunity or guest worker status. — Scott Ott / ScrappleFace

US forces kill 20 militants inside Iraqi mosque

(BAGHDAD) At least 20 militant followers of radical Shia cleric Moqtada Sadr have been killed after US soldiers raided a mosque Sunday night in Baghdad, said one of their leaders and Iraq police. The US military said it had no information about the incident.

“More than 20 militants have been killed in the Mustafa mosque in the neighbourhood of Ur,” said Hazem al-Aaraji of Sadr’s movement. Iraqi police said that US soldiers while conducting a raid on the mosque came under fire from its guards and responded, killing guards as well as number of Sadr’s followers inside the mosque which police described as a stronghold for the group. Also, political sources said that US troops arrested at least 40 Iraqi Interior Ministry forces who were holding 17 foreigners in a secret bunker complex. ” Read More…

Keeping Up Appearances

Death Penalty or Worse…

This from Mr. Sarcastic himself Scott Ott…

ScrappleFace: “2006-03-24) — A judge in Afghanistan said today that Abdul Rahman, the man charged with converting to Christianity, would face the death penalty, or worse, if convicted of the crime.

“We could behead him and then throw the book at him,” said the judge presiding over the case, raising the specter that the punishment could include intentional abuse and damage to Mr. Rahman’s copy of the Bible.

The threat to the Bible comes as retribution for reported incidents of Koran desecration last year by Americans at the Guantanamo Bay terrorist detention facility. Those allegations sparked deadly Muslim riots worldwide.

Meanwhile, state governors across the U.S. made preparations to call out National Guard units to quell anticipated unrest among Christians if the Muslim judge carries out his threat to the Bible.

“Arresting the convert was an offense against our religion,” said an unnamed Southern Baptist cleric, “but damaging the pages of the holy Scriptures is a crime against the entire Christian publishing industry. Church members will rise up from their potluck suppers and join the crusade to avenge this unforgivable sin.”

The pastor declined to specify how Christians would seek revenge, but he refused to rule out “devastating waves of gossip” and even deployment of the so-called “cold shoulder” against American Muslims.

Moderate Muslims could not be found for comment.” — Scott Ott

The Lighter Side of Life

A teacher was doing a study testing the senses of first graders, using a
bowl of lifesavers.

The children began to say:
“Red………..cherry,”
“Yellow………lemon,”
“Green………lime,”
“Orange………orange,”

Finally the teacher gave them all honey lifesavers.

After eating them none of the children could identify the taste.

“Well,” he said, “I’ll give you all a clue. It’s what your mother may
sometimes call your father.

“One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled: “Oh
My God!!!! They’re butt holes!”

March Madness II

London Terrorist Seeking Nuke From Mob

Today we learn of something subtly hinted upon in this past week’s episode of the Sopranos. Except in this case it was far from a HBO series and who knows if the Russian mob tipped Scotland Yard or not? Very interesting coincidence when contrasted with the one scene where the Feds about seeking help from the mob to uncover terrorist plots. Freaky. [Hat tip: Gateway Pundit]

Gateway Pundit: Terrorist on Trial Has Atom Bomb Links!: “A terrorist on trial in Great Britain is accused of discussions to buy a nuclear bomb from the Russian mafia. Sky News has this:

One of the suspected terrorists on trial for allegedly plotting a nationwide bombing campaign has been linked to a nuclear weapon. An Old Bailey jury was told Salahuddin Amin had been involved in discussions to buy an atomic bomb.

The prosecution said contact had been made with the Russian mafia in Belgium to buy the radio-isotope device. Seven men - all British citizens - are on trial accused of conspiring to cause explosion. The prosecution claims the gang planned to blow up pubs, nightclubs, trains and also considered hitting the UK’s power infrastructure.

They wanted to blow up ‘the biggest nightclub’ in central London, prosecutor David Waters QC said. In February, 2004, they were allegedly overheard discussing bomb targets. Mr Waters said: ‘Jawad Akbar referred to attacks upon the utilities, gas, water or electrical supplies. ‘Alternatively, a big nightclub in central London might be a target.’

All the accused deny conspiring to cause explosions between January 1, 2003 and March 31, 2004.” More…