(WASHINGTON) “Former House Majority Leader Tom Delay announced today that he won’t seek re-election and will soon resign from Congress. House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi called the news “devastating” and immediately introduced a bill to block Delay’s departure. The California Democrat, in an emotional news conference, said, “Tom Delay is essential to the future of this nation, since all of our Democrat Congressional campaign ads are built around him. He must not be allowed to leave until after the elections.””

Peolosi then proceeded to call the Rev. Al Sharpton and plead with him to begin to get on the campaign trail and drum up support for Democratic candidates across the country. “With DeLay out of the picture, we need to sway the moderate vote to your point of view” she said. Rev. Sharpton was not available for comment. Apperently he was in Texas urging “God fearing Republicans” to vote for a Rainbow Coalition candidate in the upcoming local elections. Way to go Rev. Al, the Republican right is counting on you !!