(VATICAN) — ‘The Da Vinci Code‘ has finally forced Pope Benedict XVI to release a statement admitting that the Bible contains a “veiled mystery unknown to most of the world.”
Film critics this week publicly acknowledged the release of the Ron Howard movie, based on the best-selling Dan Brown novel that blurs the line between fiction and entertainment.
Under pressure from theologians in the news media, a Vatican spokesman today admitted that the Holy Scriptures contain a hidden code, known only to a relative handful of insiders.
“Even many faithful church attenders have not yet unlocked the secret,” said the unnamed Vatican source. “Although it lies in plain sight, to understand it you must have the ability to decode a sequence of ancient letters, arranged in phonetic patterns that follow a specific grammatical template.”
When asked how an outsider with no expertise in cryptology could break the code and comprehend the secret, the Pope’s spokesman said, “To reveal the mystery, first lift the cover of the Bible. Then carefully examine all the text on the first page. Slowly turn the page. Repeat the process until the mystery becomes plain.”” — sarcastic reporting by Scott Ott / ScrappleFace