“According to a new survey, Hillary Clinton’s popularity rating is down to its lowest point in over a year. When Bill Clinton heard this, he said, ‘If there’s one thing Hillary can do, it’s bring polls down.'” –Conan O’Brein

“Former President Bill Clinton said that if his wife, Hillary, is elected president, he will do whatever she wants. You know Bill Clinton — when he makes a vow to Hillary, you can take that to the bank.” –Jay Leno

“A New Jersey company has developed an inhaler they say increases sex drive in women. They say it stimulates the brain to make you want to have sex with your partner. It’s an inhaler. You know what the means? One day on the campaign trail, Hillary may be able to claim she never inhaled either.” –Jay Leno

“I’m surprised they did a portrait of Hillary. I thought maybe an ice sculpture would have been more appropriate.” –Jay Leno

“Hillary Clinton said today that she didn’t know her husband, Bill Clinton, was giving the Arabs advice on the port deal while she was ruling against it. Can you believe that? Hillary was clueless about a major political event. You know what that means. she could really be the next president of the United States.” –Jay Leno

“More problems for Hillary Clinton. The head of New York state’s leading gay rights group describes Hillary Clinton as a disappointment on samesex marriage. Today, her husband bill described her as a disappointment on opposite sex marriage.” –Jay Leno

“Senator Hillary Clinton hired a former adviser to President Clinton. Apparently she’s taking his advice because today she hit on three waitresses.” –Conan O’Brien

“Hillary Clinton speaking out on [the port deal]. She has mixed feelings about Dubai. On one hand, they hate Israel. On the other hand, they stone adulterers.” –Jay Leno

“Hillary Clinton said today she finds the administration’s refusal to level with the American people troubling, but she also finds it somewhat nostalgic.” –Jay Leno

“Hillary Clinton blasted the vice president today for failing to disclose all the facts. She wants Dick Cheney to give exact details. You know like, “How do you shoot someone and make it look like an accident?” –Jay Leno

“In a fiery speech this weekend, Hillary Clinton wondered why President Bush can’t find the tallest man in Afghanistan. Probably for the same reason she couldn’t find the fattest intern under the desk.” –Jay Leno

“Hillary Clinton said this week that she doesn’t agree with either the people who say we should be in Iraq or her friends who say we should be out. Thanks for clearing that up. Think she’s running for president? Even John Kerry said, “Pick a position!” –Jay Leno

Tags : hillary, jokes, politics, satire