The Onion – America’s Finest News Source:

WASHINGTON, DC—In a decisive 1–0 decision Monday, President Bush voted to grant the president the constitutional power to grant himself additional powers.

“As president, I strongly believe that my first duty as president is to support and serve the president,” Bush said during a televised address from the East Room of the White House shortly after signing his executive order. “I promise the American people that I will not abuse this new power, unless it becomes necessary to grant myself the power to do so at a later time.”

The Presidential Empowerment Act, which the president hand-drafted on his own Oval Office stationery and promptly signed into law, provides Bush with full authority to permit himself to authorize increased jurisdiction over the three branches of the federal government, provided that the president considers it in his best interest to do so.

“In a time of war, the president must have the power he needs to make the tough decisions, including, if need be, the decision to grant himself even more power,” Bush said. “To do otherwise would be playing into the hands of our enemies.” More…

Hillary Clinton, when hearing about the Presidential Empowerment act, demanded that the President also grant himself the power of unilateral Presidential Impeachment. White House spokesperson Tony Snow, indicated that the President is currently in counsel with himself regarding Sen. Clinton’s recommendation and is currently in closed session engaged in heated debate prior to polling himself for a vote. He was also heard commenting to his White House press seceratary before returning to the Oval Office, “After all, I believe am entitled to an up or down vote, but only after giving myself approriate time for debate and deep deliberation which I know the American people expect.”

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