The U.N. is expanding it’s role on the world stage by promoting a series of extended world tours for the most charismatic of leaders as measured by the U.N. General Assembly’s patented “Applause-O-Meter”. According to the results on the General Assembly floor yesterday, both Hugo Chavez and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, have won the bragging rights to be the first charismatic leaders to participate on the tour. First country up: the U.S. The renouned speaker, Mr. Chavez was alerted this morning while in his own press conference in Spanish Harlem promoting his upcoming lecture tour to presuade American Latinos of their folly for emigrating to the United States when all the true freedoms and desires can be realized in Caracas Venezuela.
The frustrated Sammy Sosa wanna be was spotted in front of a crowd on 135th St. blessing himself when told of the good news, just as he did yesterday when stepping up to the plate, err… podium making the same religious gesture to ward off evil spirits and that sulfur stench he was complaining about. (Let’s give GWB a break, they did serve egg salad for lunch!) His collegue that charismatic man of stature, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, turned his eyes away from witnessing the gesture, which was almost as frightening as the thought of his attending the same luncheon where wine was being served. (Not his favorite brand of Shiraz we suspect.) Mahmoud entourage said he did all he could restraining himself from burning down the nearest embassy in outrage and calling for the beheading of the U.N. master chef. The story below, from satirical reporter Scott Ott over at ScrappleFace, outlines the itinerary of these two lucky winners…
(2006-09-21) — The Republican National Committee (RNC) today offered to fund a coast-to-coast U.S. speaking tour featuring Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, in the weeks leading up to November’s Congressional elections.
The offer comes in the wake of two days of public remarks by the two foreign leaders before the United Nations, the Council on Foreign Relations and U.S. news media. Their diplomatic pronouncements included…
– denying the Holocaust,
– calling the U.S. president “the devil“,
– praying at the U.N. for the return of Islam’s fabled 12th Imam,
– praising Cuban dictator Fidel Castro,
– insisting any nation has the right to develop nuclear technology,
– portraying the United States as the locus of evil in the modern world, and
– plugging Noam Chomsky’s book “Hegemony or Survival: America’s Quest for Global Dominance.”
“President Bush can talk about his national security plan and foreign policy all day long,” said an unnamed RNC spokesman, “But no one makes a more compelling case than the duo of Mahmoud and Hugo. We want to make sure every American has an opportunity to hear these important world leaders.”
The Republican source said sponsoring the pre-election Ahmadinejad-Chavez speaking tour was also a way of “reaching across the aisle to help our colleagues in the Democrat party to get their message out, so the American voter can make an informed decision.” — as reported by satirist Scott Ott / ScrappleFace“
Thanks for the update Scott. Make sure you all get a front row seat when the show comes to a bodega near you.