The UN Security Council has reportedly been preparing a preemptive strike in terms of another strong resolution to deter Kim (mentally) Ill’s nuke program. Satricial reporter Scott Ott over at ScrappleFace describes the harsh punative measures inflicted upon the rouge state.

October 18, 2006
UN Hits N. Korea with Preemptive Resolution
by Scott Ott

(2006-10-18) — In a proactive move designed to “shock and awe” North Korean President Kim Jong-Il, the United Nations Security Council today deployed a preemptive resolution condemning that nation’s upcoming second nuclear weapons test.

“You can’t wait until you see a mushroom cloud over Tokyo or Los Angeles before you take decisive action,” said one unnamed council member. “You need to get the right words on paper, and get all the Council members to agree on them in advance to anticipate a nuclear test or attack.”

The new resolution levies “severe sanctions” on North Korea, including potential loss of executive washroom privileges for the North Korean ambassador to the U.N., and limits to previously-bottomless beverages at U.N. dining facilities.

Although the preemptive resolution garnered a 15-0 vote at the Council, the Chinese ambassador said he might allow his North Korean colleague to use his washroom key in an emergency.

China also blocked language in the measure that would have restricted North Korean access to certain items at the “all you can eat” U.N. buffet. — Scott Ott / ScrappleFace