Kerry Mistaken For Mariah Carey

The embedded video clip says it all… We are waiting for the sure to follow Jane Fonda / John Kerry photo op which should have all the over 50 crowd strolling down memory lane.

Tags: satire, sarcasm, politics, zz

Hillary Clinton the Great Neutralizer

(Satire 2007-01-29) — Just a day after laughing along with the crowd at an Iowa campaign stop over a question about how her background prepares her to deal with “evil, bad men” Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-NY, today said such men must be “neutralized” and that she “knows how to do it.”

Despite her laughter about the “bad men” remark, Sen. Clinton said, “I was thinking of no one in particular, but whoever I was not thinking of will eventually pay for his nefarious deeds when I am president.”

Reporters speculated about whether her remarks referred to terror leader Usama Bin Laden, or perhaps even to her husband, former President Bill Clinton who violated their marriage covenant when he sexually abused a young White House intern.

The senator, however, refused to specify and simply said, “I wouldn’t be where I am today if I didn’t know how to neutralize such men.”

“If a bad man knows me at all,” she said, “he knows that I have always been able protect my liberty to pursue my vision for the future and I can do the same for the United States of America when I’m commander in chief.” [Hat Tip: Scott Ott / ScrappleFace]

Satire folks. Hillary know how to neutralize men. Barack Obama watch your back.

Tags: politics, sarcasm, satire, zz

Bush Train Wreck

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The State of the Congressional Resolution on Iraq War

To gain some extraordinary insight into what our astute political leaders were up to this week, click here or on the animation to your left and we promise you will quickly become well educated on what it means for Congress to create a “Non Binding Resolution” on the President of the United States.

Learn how all your favorite political cartoon characters posture and contort to remain politically correct and speak out of all four corners of their mouths. Excellent parody.

[Hat Tip: Mark Fiore]

Tags: sarcasm, satire, political-cartoons, zz

Ray Gun Invented by U.S. Military

The military’s new weapon is a ray gun that shoots a beam that makes people feel as if they will catch fire.

The technology is supposed to be harmless — a non-lethal way to get enemies to drop their weapons. Military officials say it could save the lives of innocent civilians and service members in places like Iraq and Afghanistan.

The weapon is not expected to go into production until at least 2010, but all branches of the military have expressed interest in it, officials said.

During the first media demonstration of the weapon Wednesday, airmen fired beams from a large dish antenna mounted atop a Humvee at people pretending to be rioters and acting out other scenarios U.S. troops might encounter. More…

Beer for Dogs

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands - After a long day hunting, there’s nothing like wrapping your paw around a cold bottle of beer. So Terrie Berenden, a pet shop owner in the southern Dutch town of Zelhem, created a beer for her Weimaraners made from beef extract and malt.

“Once a year we go to Austria to hunt with our dogs, and at the end of the day we sit on the verandah and drink a beer. So we thought, my dog also has earned it,” she said.

Berenden consigned a local brewery to make and bottle the nonalcoholic beer, branded as Kwispelbier. It was introduced to the market last week and advertised it as “a beer for your best friend.”

“Kwispel” is the Dutch word for wagging a tail.

The beer is fit for human consumption, Berenden said. But at euro1.65 ($2.14) a bottle, it’s about four times more expensive than a Heineken.

Tags: weird, bizarre, zz

Iranian Missile Tests: Redux

Well it seems like the Iranians are at it again. Aljazeera.net ran an article today (see below) which alleges that Iran will be conducting more tests of it’s intermediary range missiles. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is flipping his middle finger to both the U.N. and the U.S. Navy which has moved a carrier battle group under the flag of the USS Stennis into the gulf region.While this is not satire, it is however the News part of this blog’s focus which we do like to comment on from time to time. (For the oxygen starved that’s the News in: ZZ News & Satire) George Bush by the way was not available for comment. It’s rumored that he is still busy working hard at Camp David on his state of the “kingdom” speech where he will explain to his subjects his his complex world of Opposite Land this week. – staff

Iran has announced three days of military tests and its president says no number of UN resolutions will change the country’s stance on nuclear development.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said on Sunday: “The UN resolution was born dead and even if they adopt 10 more of such resolutions it will not affect Iran’s economy and policies.”

Iran’s military maneuvers come days after the US announced that it would deploy a second aircraft carrier, the USS Stennis, to the Gulf.

An unnamed Iranian military commander said: “The maneuvers are aimed at evaluating defensive and fighting capabilities of the missiles.”

In November, Iran test-fired dozens of missiles, including the Shahab-3 which can reach Israel, in exercises it said were aimed at putting a stop to the role of world powers in the Gulf region. More…

OpenWeb Portal Back Up

The OpenWeb Download and Arcade Portal is now back up. We have corrected certain database issues which occurred over the evening. Sorry for any inconvenience. If you are still experiencing problems registering please leave a message here. – staff

Get V3 Arcade Flash Games For Your Blog

Want to add some Flash Games to your website? You can now download a full collection of tested arcade flash games which have been sorted, categorized, packaged and made available for immediate digital download over at OpenWeb Downloads and at PayLoadZ. Over 290+ games available in three convenient zipped digital downloads. Here is a typical example…. Shooting Arcade . You can also play them in advance in their V3 Arcade, simply register over at the Arcade.

Each of the zipped download packs contains 90+ flash games (in .swf format) including their respective thumbnail (.gif) along with an instruction guide (in .pdf format) on how to configure them so your visitors can play the games right on your site just as in the Shooting Arcade example above.

The games can be loaded manually if you are using vBulletin. If you have access to a server simply upload the files and link to them in a post or anywhere else on your site just like an image .gif or .jpg file! Your server host doesn’t allow uploading? Each game can still be played stand alone on your PC or laptop!! Check it out!

Tags: flash, flash-games, games, ZZ