Monday - Feb 26th, 2007
1:18 am
Uncategorized
(Al Fatwa Training Camp, Southern Afghanistan
It is a frigid night in this mountainous region. In the training camp, men with ski masks and Kalashnikov rifles smoke cigarettes, take turns stoking the inadequate fire, or log in to Jihadi.com to see if their newest photos have been chosen for the homepage photo contest. Although the night sky is cloudless, nobody here can see clearly into what kind of President they’d like to see take over from George W. Bush in 2008.
For some here, it’s just too early to tell. The primary season has just begun, but none of the candidates have distinguished themselves as the type to ignite worldwide jihad. The group hopes for a strong leader, one against whom the entire Islamic world can rally. At least one terrorist complains that 2008 is hopeless. “Unless somebody comes out from nowhere, I might have to stop blowing things up for a while.”
“Obviously we’d like to see George W. Bush stay on for another four years,” says Shaka Khan. “But there is some kind of term limit that prevents this,” he explains to the others. “Curse American democracy! I hate freedom,” he spits into the flame.
“John McCain was my early favorite. He’s bat-shit crazy, and might invade three or four other countries. But I don’t like where he is on universal health care,” argues Abdul Ghafoor. “Plus he might use nukes,” says another.
They discuss Mitt Romney, but cannot decide whether Mormonism would be more of an apostate affront to Islam than an Evangelical. “Does anyone know the difference?” asks one. The group cannot answer.
The terrorists are disappointed that the primary season has come so early. “This time last election, I was still harvesting opium,” says Akbar. “Now I’m stuck here watching CNN. It leaves me very little time for actual terrorism.”
“How do you feel about Barack Hussein Obama?” asks Ali.
“Don’t let the name fool you. He’s as Christian as the rest of them.”
“They said on Fox News he was educated in a madrasah.”
“Really? That would be terrible for us.”
“Democrats and Republicans are the same,” laments Mullah Khalid. The comment causes a flurry of discussion about the limits of the two-party system. The terrorists would like to see an Independent candidate, preferably one who would set out to create an American Wahhabist theocracy.
“But the first lady couldn’t wear a burqa,” argues another. “It wouldn’t look right.”
The arguments go on through the night. The cadre of seasoned killers agrees to wait for the Iowa caucuses before an endorsement. — Hat tip: All Day Coffee
Sunday - Feb 25th, 2007
1:17 am
Uncategorized
(2007-02-23) — In a breakthrough that could end the nuclear standoff between Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and the so-called “rational world”, U.S. President George Bush said today that his country is willing to let Russia build 37 Chernobyl-style nuclear reactors throughout Iran.
Mr. Bush also offered to allow open sharing of Chernobyl-class technology between Russia and Iran.
An unnamed White House spokesman said Mr. Bush believes the new proposal could break deadlocked negotiations by giving Iran “the world’s best-known reactor technology, while allowing Russia to continue to profit from Mr. Ahmadinejad’s thirst for power.”
“These Chernobyl-style reactors can bring the transforming power of nuclear fission within reach of the average Iranian,” said Mr. Bush. – as reported by Scott Ott / ScrappleFace
Monday - Feb 19th, 2007
10:46 pm
Uncategorized
Monday - Feb 19th, 2007
10:47 am
Uncategorized
(2007-02-19) After failing to pass a non-binding resolution condemning a U.S.
troop surge in Iraq, Democrats, reluctant to cut funding for the war,
are reportedly studying a host of alternatives designed to show that they support the troops yet oppose the commander-in-chief, President George Bush.
“Cutting funding for troops in the field is political suicide,” said
one unnamed Democrat senator, “but we think we have some creative ways
to accomplish our goal of ending the war, without the perception that
we’re anti-troop.”
The following is a partial list of the top options now under
consideration by Democrat leaders in the House and Senate, each of
which demonstrates support for the troops, but accelerates the pace of
withdrawal:
– Increase funding for body armor. Require ground troops to wear two
KEVLAR® suits each, and to carry a large bronze shield on street patrol.
– Supply infantry with “tricked out” HumVees, complete with
undercarriage neon lighting, glow-in-the-dark paint job, “always on”
thundering-bass sound system and a bumper sticker that reads “Jesus is
My Co-Pilot.”
– Send every member of the fighting force a personal “Thank You,”
letting them know that they’re giving their lives in order to protect a
land where the top news story all week has been about Britney Spears
shaving her head.
– Pass non-binding resolution condemning overcrowding at U.S. bases in Iraq.
– Sponsor USO Tour featuring Barbra Streisand, Rosie O’Donnell and Michael Moore.
– Release scientific report proving that muzzle flash causes global warming.
– as reported by satirist Scott Ott / ScrappleFace
Monday - Feb 19th, 2007
3:05 am
Uncategorized
ScrappleFace »
by Scott Ott
(2007-02-18) — Moments after Republicans in the senate blocked a Democrat attempt to vote on a non-binding resolution expressing disapproval of a U.S. troop surge in Iraq, Majority Leader Harry Reid hailed the non-vote as “perhaps the greatest Democrat military accomplishment of the past 40 years.”
“History will celebrate the moment that our brave new Democrat majority forced an unsuccessful cloture vote on the filibuster of a measure that would have symbolically ended the troop surge,” said Sen. Reid. “And in November 2008, when Americans go to the polls, they’ll ask themselves ‘Who stood up for our freedom to express displeasure and very nearly secured it?’.”
Sen. Reid devoted 20 or 30 seconds to recounting in detail the great moments in Democrat military policy during the past four decades, then said, “I predict that years from now, a history book or pamphlet will be written about this act of heroism on a Saturday afternoon, when a few bold individuals sacrificed their golf games to answer the call of duty and very nearly voted on a measure that would have virtually turned the tide in this war.”
The Nevada senator added that the lack of a vote on the non-binding resolution would “serve as a great encouragement to U.S. troops overseas.”
“By almost showing the Senate’s disapproval of Bush’s plan to send 21,500 more troops,” he said, “we demonstrated our desire to protect our men and women in Iraq from the overcrowding on their bases and in their barracks that the president’s plan will surely cause.” – as reported by satirist Scott Ott / ScrappleFace
Saturday - Feb 17th, 2007
11:53 am
Uncategorized
ScrappleFace »
by Scott Ott
(2007-02-17) — A coalition of major terror groups operating in Iraq today announced a symbolic, non-binding ceasefire in response to House Democrats’ passage of a non-binding resolution rejecting President George Bush’s troop surge plan.
Al Qaeda in Iraq, the Shiite Mahdi army and representatives of a Sunni car-bomb cartel said they would continue to fully fund martyrdom operations, with help from their friends in Iran, Syria and elsewhere.
An unnamed spokesman for the terror coalition said, “The non-binding ceasefire serves as a kind of imaginary turning point in the mythical pursuit of peace among those who have pledged their lives to the destruction of the U.S., Christianity, Judaism and Western civilization in general.”
U.S. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-CA, said the terrorists’ symbolic initiative “confirms that Democrats are on the right track with their strategy to end the war in Iraq through non-binding means.”
Meanwhile, the White House released a conciliatory statement from President George Bush in the wake of the Democrat-sponsored anti-surge resolution.
“Our friends in Congress continue to display the rich diversity of patriotism,” the president said. “Their actions demonstrate to all Americans that you, in fact, can support the troops while opposing the war, as long as you’re not too specific about whose troops you support.”
Mr. Bush also said the House vote “shows that it’s possible to pass a resolution without being overly resolute.”
Saturday - Feb 17th, 2007
11:51 am
Uncategorized
Thursday - Feb 15th, 2007
10:07 pm
Uncategorized
If you want to add arcade style flash games to your website you can now download a collection of fully tested arcade flash games which have been sorted, categorized, packaged and made available for immediate digital download over at OpenWeb Downloads and also at PayLoadZ. Over 290+ games are available in three convenient low priced downloads. Here is a typical example -> Shooting Arcade . You can also play them in advance of download in the V3 Arcade, simply register over at the Arcade.
Each of the zipped download packs contains 90+ flash games (in .swf format) including its respective thumbnail (.gif) along with an instruction guide (in .pdf format) on how to configure them so your visitors can play these games right on your site just as in the Shooting Arcade example above. [Game Inventory Listing]
If you have access to a server simply upload all the files and link to them in a post, a special area, or anywhere else on your site! You say your server host doesn’t allow uploading? No problem, each game pack can still be downloaded and enjoyed on your own PC or laptop – the guide explains how. Check it out and have some fun!
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