(WASHINGTON) — President George Bush, in an effort to address conservatives’ dual concerns about border security and the rule of law, today said the revived immigration reform bill would finish the U.S.-Mexico border fence by fining illegal aliens to pay for it and requiring each one to build a section of the fence with his own hands.

With the U.S.-Mexico border stretching more than 1,951 miles, and estimates that 20 million illegal aliens already inhabit the United States, President Bush said the measure would require each “currently undocumented future citizen” to build about six inches of fencing.

“I hope this will satisfy my friends on the other side of the Republican aisle,” said Mr. Bush. “They’ll get their border security while those who broke our laws to get here will pay a financial price and serve time in hard labor to do a job that we can’t afford to hire Americans to do.”

Conservative presidential candidate Rep. Duncan Hunter, R-CA, said he could support the new bill “as long as the illegal aliens building the fence face north when they do it, and head south when they’re done.” — as reported by satirist Scott Ott / ScrappleFace