(RAMALLAH) — Former U.S. President Jimmy Carter and the terror group Hamas, in a joint news conference today, announced they had successfully completed the third round of one-party talks aimed at bringing peace to the Jewish territories that border on the Palestinian state.

In a moment reminiscent of the famous 1978 handshake at Camp David among Mr. Carter, Egyptian President Anwar Saadat and Israeli Prime Minister Menachem Begin, Mr. Carter today embraced exiled Hamas leader Khaled Meshal then each man kissed the tomb of former Palestinian Leader Yassir Arafat.

While no one would reveal the details of the intramural peace settlement, Mr. Carter noted that the deal is so comprehensive that it’s “likely to meet the approval of nearly every legitimate nation in the Middle East.” — as reported by satirist Scott Ott / Scrappleface