Yes, I’ve heard of McCain’s fundraising troubles. He can’t seem to keep up with Obama, his most likely opponent. Truly, I sympathize, and recommend holding fundraising dinners, where he can amaze his potential donors with the Maverick Menu!

What can you find on the Maverick Menu?

  1. Maverick Surprise: Yes, based on his famous performance in the Gang of 14, where he proved that no one expects the Maverick Surprise. What’s in the Maverick Surprise? If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise, but you’re certain to need an antacid when you’re done eating it.
  2. The Maverick Sandwich: A generous helping of aromatic brown pudding spread lovingly between two toasted hunks of bread. A particular specialty of Senator McCain, who’s been feeding them to his constituents and party for years. Ask any of his supporters, and they’ll tell you that adding a few tiny slivers of red meat will make it taste just like Filet Mignon. Eat it quickly, because the Maverick Sandwich is prone to attract flies.
  3. The Maverick Fortune Pretzel: A first of it’s kind treat inspired by McCain’s supporters. Inside each of these big, chewy pretzels is a fortune like ‘liberalism is conservatism’, ‘up is down’, and ‘modernize the right’. Served with special Maverick Demagogic Sauce, so you’ll feel guilty when you don’t believe the message.
  4. Maverick Bitters: Once you’ve eaten the first three courses, you can wash down this delightful gourmet feast with Maverick Bitters! Yes, this acquired taste in microbrewery ale is so bitter, you’ll pucker for days. Guaranteed to be hard to swallow, but everyone else says you should like it, so don’t complain.

It should be an absolute hit, since McCain has honed these menu item to perfection over his years in the Senate, and truly, he should not deny them to his potential donors. They deserve nothing less than his best.

Want a warped perspective on the maverick John McCain? Visit If nothing else, you’ll never see the word ‘maverick’ the same way again.