By now, everyone knows about Obama’s comments regarding those in rural Pennsylvania clinging to their guns and their religion. No one thinks they could have been any worse, but then again, no one has taken the twisted route. So, I invite you to consider what would have happened if Obama had his own nature show, “The Wild Obama”.

“We’d spent three days now in the Audacity Safari seeking the elusive rural Pennsylvanian, and our rations of brie and cheese were running low. My crew was beginning to worry that we’d be reduced to living off the land and eating the local rural food, which caused a thrill of fear to run through us like the dire sushi shortage we experienced in Iowa.”

“On the fourth day, we finally ran into a herd of rural Pennsylvanians, and better still, they were all real clingers. Here, our cameraman has exclusive footage of their leader, clinging to a hunting rifle, three bibles, and a crucifix at the same time. Despite the fact we spooked them when we got too close, we were still able to get a good five minutes of rolling film, and some stills of other, lesser clingers among their herd.”

“Some few haggard individuals were empty-handed, and obviously, the hard circumstances in rural Pennsylvania have made them so poor they couldn’t afford anything upon which to cling. We offered one such herd member brie and wine, but it only sniffed at it before scurrying away. Clearly, the packs of vicious, ravenous Republicans have taken their toll on its sanity.”

So, if you ever wanted to know how Obama’s remarks could have been worse, now you do. My thanks to Pat Buchanan and his article “In Darkest Pennsylvania” for my inspiration in this humorous satire.

Want a warped perspective of presidential candidate John McCain? Visit If nothing else, you’ll never see the word ‘maverick’ in the same way again.