In this season of crisis and upheaval, it’s time an unmentioned tale of woe made it to the forefront: The inability of political satirists to find good subject matter in this presidential election.

Political satirists all over the country are applying for unemployment in record numbers, because both presidential candidates this year are so miserable, they’re beneath ridicule.

“I can’t believe this,” an anonymous hobo in a ragged brown trenchcoat said. “No matter how bad the choices became, we could always make fun of them before.” Then he scuffled away, drank from his paper-bagged bottle, and clutched at a battered box full of his cartoonist’s pens.

“This country is really going down the drain,” another said to me. “It doesn’t matter who it is. Obama and McCain both suck so badly, they don’t even rise to the level of satire. It’s a sign of the apocalypse!”

“WHY GOD? WHY?” I would have him asked for a clarification, but the police had to restrain him before he hurt himself.

In these bad times, is even asking for a decent subject of belittlement asking too much? Has our society fallen so far, candidates can’t even rise to that level of contempt? This humble reporter doesn’t know, but I’m sure it’s Bush’s fault.

Want a warped perspective on the “maverick” John McCain? Visit At the very least, you’ll never see the word ‘maverick’ the same way again.