Barry Vs. BALCO

When underground pharmaceutical companies meet major league sports, things can get a little bit strange…

Barry Bonds, baseball’s bad boy and major league slugger, was indicted for perjury [as everyone knows]; he lied to a grand jury about his use of steroids. That’s however only the tip of the iceberg though. Bonds was also using “the cream” and “the clear”, products from the Bay Area Laboratory Co-Operative, or BALCO. BALCO is an underground pharmaceuticals company that manufactures designer drugs for semi-legal purposes. Due to several legal close calls, in late 2006, they turned to human-based immersions to mask the chemical signatures of their products. In February of last year, they opened up the Malaysia-to-New Jersey buttcheese trade route, and their investment in Cincinatti jenkem production plants followed shortly afterwards. One of my spies cornered Bonds and got the dirt on BALCO’s newest drug, the one that inspired Bond’s “I’m keeping my money” power tripping.

According to my source, Bonds said, “Look. I don’t care what anyone says, but that jenkem stuff — it’s not all fake. Anderson was always using this cream or that cream or some other drink. But this stuff made the difference. Next thing I knew I was dam* indestructible. Anderson said it was some kind of Secret Soldier thing, like Captain America or something. He said they had vials of Jackie Robinson’s sweat and added it to skin samples of Reggie Jackson, Hank Aaron, and Babe Ruth.”

“I was like — ‘Babe Ruth? He’s white!’ Anderson told me, ‘Chill out, Barry. It’s that little bit of whiteness that gets it energized. See, if you have a little bit of white, then the black parts all try that much harder to outdo it, so this stuff is like super-super juice.’ That made sense, but I was looking at the stuff and it was this brown liquid and I figured that there was more to it than all that. When I asked what else was in it, he got all quiet and wouldn’t tell me. So finally I blew up and said I wouldn’t let him in the dugout anymore. Only then did he say that it was immersed in jenkem. Now if you tell anyone this, I’m gonna kill you.”

BALCO denies all involvement with the aforementioned super-super juice and any contact with Barry Bonds or Anderson. Their new digs are a nice mansion just outside of San Francisco, though, so feel free to draw your own conclusions.

Autistic H.S. Student Scores Bigtime: Put Me In Coach!

For a change of pace:

There are occasions when every once in awhile a story of human interest speaks volumes on it’s own merits. The video below is one such story. It’s on the power of the human spirit and our collective reaction to it when we see it unfold before our eyes. There is something tangible here that speaks to what makes America great that no radical group will overcome any time soon…

Two exceptional people, coach and student… Amazing story.

Head On for the Economy

This is one of the funniest animated political cartoons Mark Fiore has come up with yet. Topic? What else, The Economy Stupid !!! Flows rather well with yesterday’s Top 3 Political Cartoons of the Week ! The cartoon captures just about every sin that has contributed to the insane consumer bubble in the U.S.

Click on the graphic below to take you to Mark Fiore’s animation. It’s a hoot!!

Yep… let’s spend our way into more debt as a solution.  Create more false sense of consumer prosperity.  Much of what I am hearing is a solution where the U.S. consumer continues to contribute to what I like to call the house of “credit” cards approach being used by the world’s banking institutions. More banking ponzi schemes to prop up their other failed schemes of the past will not be a solution. Easy credit without accountability is the root cause of the crisis in confidence and unfortunately it can end very badly for the global economy as a whole.

Bailouts of banks that made POOR LENDING DECISIONS to people and companies that were bad credit risks is exactly the WRONG thing to be doing.  Short term candy will not fix the underlying issues with easy credit.  It simply reinforces bad behaviours and encourages even more ponzi schemes when that money starts flowing into the system. Enough for tonight…

Just for laughs, in case you wanted to know something about the real product in the parody… Here is an excerpt from Wikipedia…  This could stand on it’s own merits as a comedy act along with many of our politicians…

Chemical analysis has shown that the product consists almost entirely of wax. The two ingredients listed as “active”, white bryony (a type of vine) and potassium dichromate (a known carcinogen), are diluted to 1 ppt and 1 ppm respectively.[9] This amount of dilution is so great that the product has been described as a placebo. Each 0.2-ounce stick contains a “12X” concentration of white bryony. That means that the whole stick contains 1 part of ingredient in 1 trillion parts of wax - equivalent to 5.670 picograms of ingredient.[citation needed]

Seymour Diamond, director of the Diamond Headache Clinic in Chicago and the inpatient headache unit at St. Joseph Hospital, has been quoted as saying “I see nothing in this product that has any validity whatsoever.”[10] Consumer Reports states that no clinical-trial data involving HeadOn have been presented, and that “any apparent efficacy may be the result of the placebo effect.”[11] —- Original Source

List of 19 New Words for 2007 , 2008 and 2009

One of our subscribers sent us a list of the 19 “NEW WORDS” for 2007 back at the end of December 2006 . Well, here we are again at the end of 2007 and many of the words on that list (shuffled around a bit) also show up as selections this year for 2008. Some in fact don’t seem to be very new at all since we have found their origins can be traced back several years. Maybe they’ll just become considered timeless? Hmm… we doubt that.

Regardless many of them deserve to “pay themselves forward”. So here they are (again) : Enjoy.

THE OLD NEW WORDS FOR 2007, 2008, and we suspect into 2009 as well

1. BLAMESTORMING : Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline
was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

2. SEAGULL MANAGER : A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise,
craps on everything, and then leaves.

3. ASSMOSIS : The process by which some people seem to absorb success
and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

4. SALMON DAY : The experience of spending an entire day swimming
upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

5. CUBE FARM : An office filled with cubicles

6. PRAIRIE DOGGING : When someone yells or drops something loudly in a
cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going
on.

7. MOUSE POTATO : The on-line, wired generation’s answer to the couch
potato.

8. SITCOMs : Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What
Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working
to stay home with the kids.

9. STRESS PUPPY : A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and
whiny.

10. SWIPEOUT : An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless
because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

11. XEROX SUBSIDY : Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one’s
workplace.

12. IRRITAINMENT : Entertainment and media spectacles that are Annoying
but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The J-Lo and Ben
wedding (or not) was a prime example - Michael Jackson, another…

13. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE : The fine art of whacking the crap out of an
electronic device to get it to work again.

14. ADMINISPHERE : The rarefied organizational layers beginning just
above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are
often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were
designed to solve.

15. 404 : Someone who’s clueless. >From the World Wide Web error Message
“404 Not Found,” meaning that the requested site could not be located.

16. GENERICA : Features of the American landscape that are exactly the
same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and
subdivisions.

17. OHNOSECOND : That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize
that you’ve just made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send on an
e-mail by mistake)

18. WOOFS : Well-Off Older Folks.

19. CROP DUSTING : Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a
Cube Farm.

If anyone has any to add to this list we would be happy to hear from you.

What Is The Best Way To Use The Internet to Influence Politics?

1. A move to the extreme of one ideology or another seems to be the most effective way to influence politics.

…More authentic media is a hearkening back to our origins - this republic was not founded so only one would speak, or that only conservatives or centrists would listen as rebellion rises in front of them…

The DailyKos model is perfect in a sense: assemble the grassroots Democrats who feel unempowered, and get them to fundraise for/donate to the candidates they care for via the Internet.

Ideology and activism meet in a daily news and commentary feed that by virtue of its magnitude draws in dollars and therefore direct influence in the Democratic party. This model is being appropriated by more libertarian elements on the Right - a DailyKos for Paulians should emerge sooner or later.

2. So far, a DailyKos has not emerged on the Right - most conservatives claim this is because conservatives have “jobs.” Nor has anything emerged as genuinely centrist. The best argument for why this has not happened is the reactionary nature of conservativism and the similarly more passive nature of centrism. Both begin with someone else being “active” or positing something: they are efforts to slowly incorporate change into existing traditions, reject harmful changes, and - if push comes to shove - merely delay or avoid the costs of change. Read the rest of this entry »

Visiting Brazil

We are on the road this week, traveling in Brazil on business. Currently posting this article from Sao Paulo, a wonderful city filled with wonderful people. Our ability to post may be rather limited but we will make an effort as opportunities present themselves.

For those of you that are active on Digg and have been offering your objective feedback on our posts and editorials, I wanted to let you know we are planning something special for all of you. All the Digg "Mutual Friends", who are associated with one of our editors, ugotz2 (DIGG user name) will be able to participate. We are working on a special cross posting feed at our sister site, SpyGlass Chronicle, that will give YOUR Digg articles some extra site exposure for other to read and Digg (or not Digg)!

Just a small gift to all our mutual friends out there who often DIGG articles here on ZardozZ News and Satire. It’s the least we can do to help share and expand site exposure for like minded readers and authors…

More about this when I return…

In the meantime, I would be interested if there are any of ugotz2’s Digg Mutual Friends out there that would be interested in submitting articles here on ZardozZ News and Satire? If there is enough interest we will consider selecting a few contributing writers/editors and allow them posting access directly to this site if they have an interest in active blogging and getting some additional Digg promotion here.

Ciao…
ZZ

New Barry Bonds Baseball Autograph

Sexy Turkey Recipe

You should try this!
Sure to bring smiles from your guests!
Here is a new way to prepare your Thanksgiving Turkey.

1. Cut out aluminum foil in desired shapes.
2. Arrange the turkey in the roasting pan, position the foil carefully. (see attached picture for details)
3. Roast according to your own recipe and serve.
4. Watch your guests faces…

May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have never a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

— [Hat Tip: megitt33]

UK Drama ‘Britz’ to Generate Sympathy for Female Suicide Bombers

Here we find just one more over the top attempt by certain established leftist media in the U.K. to cultivate sympathy and legitimacy for perverted radical muslim thought… Amazing !

Drama focuses on would-be bomber A controversial Channel 4 drama will depict a young Muslim driven to become Britain’s first female suicide bomber. Britz attempts to understand what would lead a second generation Muslim to turn against the country of their birth. It blames Britain’s “draconian” anti-terror laws - in particular, the contentious subject of control orders - and foreign policy for alienating the Muslim community. The two-part drama is by award-winning director Peter Kosminsky.

Critics could accuse it of justifying the actions of Britain’s homegrown terrorists. Britz tells the story of two siblings from Bradford, West Yorkshire - brother Sohail (Riz Ahmed) is an ambitious law student who joins MI5, while sister Nasima (Manjinder Virk) is studying to be a doctor but becomes radicalized and turns to terrorism. Nasima becomes part of a terror cell which plots to kill hundreds of men, women and children in the centre of London. The film mixes fact with fiction - some of the characters are made out to be associates of the real perpetrators of the July 2005 London bombings. But Kosminsky said he hoped radicalized Muslims would not feel vindicated by the film.” I really hope not. In the end you must judge for yourself but I hope that nobody who sees it would think there is anything triumphant or joyful about Nasima’s journey. “We went to lengths to make this [suicide bombing] not seem like an exciting or glorious thing,” he said. Britz will be on Channel 4 [BBC] at 9pm on October 31 and November 1.

(hat tip via Twitter / mrpresident)

“In the end you must judge for yourself but I hope that nobody who sees it would think there is anything triumphant or joyful about Nasima’s journey. We went to lengths to make this [suicide bombing] not seem like an exciting or glorious thing,” - Peter Kominsky — What a joke! This has to be one of the most feeble excuses for exploiting a dysfunctional social phenomenon on record. Did Peter Kosminsky just want to make a quick buck or are there other political overtones at play? What do you think? Just one more sick version of an artistic protest on film directed at the British, American and Israeli policies regarding the defeat of islamic jihadists. Why does Kominsky find it necessary to depict terrorists as a sympathetic figures if not to make a political statement? Sick… Both muslims and non-muslims alike should condemn any glorification of suicide bombing. Unless of course they belong to a jihadist group, in which case they are certainly enjoying and welcoming this film. Never hurts to pick up a few more recruits on the rebound– ZZ

Dalai Lama Does Tiananmen Square

— [Hat Tip: Jeff Koterba ]