This may be one of the best pieces of satire for the week from the pen of Scott Ott…
(NEW YORK) — In a double-trade designed to end bitter recriminations, and “to let bygones be bygones”, retired Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre has been traded to the New York Jets, and in return, New York will send defeated presidential candidate Hillary Clinton to the Republican Party.
Neither superstar has dealt well with being “out of the game”, and both have been looking for ways to extended their involvement.
Sen. Clinton’s people had been in negotiations with victorious rival Barack Obama to get a prominent role in the Democrat Party’s convention in August, while the Packers had offered Mr. Favre a “marketing contract” worth some $20 million which would have sidelined him as well.
But these seasoned competitors yearned to get back in the fray — to step out under the lights, to hear the cheer of the crowd, to smell the rich aroma of human blood and sweat and to savor the look of fear in an opponents eyes because you’re about to do something he doesn’t expect.
The Jets ended the 2007 season with a disappointing 4-12 record, and the GOP has stumbled to a 233-202 minority in the House, and 51-49 in the Senate. Each beleaguered franchise hopes the acquisition of a storied veteran will breath new life into the organization, yet spokesmen from both acknowledge that getting a grizzled warrior to adopt a new game-plan poses the proverbial challenge of “teaching an old dog new tricks”. — as reported by satirist Scott Ott / ScrappleFace
The Democrat convention should prove to be an interesting spectacle when Hillary takes the stage as is currently planned. One has to wonder if she will be wearing her usual botox smile or will she resemble the photograph above? Battered and beaten to a pulp. What made her so distasteful to the democrat voters who yet still seem to adore her husband?
The following was sent in by one of our subscribers. We thought it might just lighten your day a bit. It should also give us pause on how differently many of us see and debate the “reality” perceived around us every day…
Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary . . .
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat’s Daily Diary. ..
Day 983 of my captivity…
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now………
— [Hat Tip: megitt33]
Thanks Meg for the contribution and for framing the paradox of life’s perspectives…
“Dogs and Cats living together” — Dr. Peter Venkman
Here are five cartoons that sums it up nicely. Why do we believe this guy is just more of the same? Could it be that his actions are speaking contrary to his words? That’s a pre-requisite for sameness not change so yes, he is in good company will all the other beltway boys. What he is changing is the color of the wool he’s trying to pull over the publics eyes.
So just where exactly is all this so called change???
In this season of crisis and upheaval, it’s time an unmentioned tale of woe made it to the forefront: The inability of political satirists to find good subject matter in this presidential election.
Political satirists all over the country are applying for unemployment in record numbers, because both presidential candidates this year are so miserable, they’re beneath ridicule.
“I can’t believe this,” an anonymous hobo in a ragged brown trenchcoat said. “No matter how bad the choices became, we could always make fun of them before.” Then he scuffled away, drank from his paper-bagged bottle, and clutched at a battered box full of his cartoonist’s pens.
“This country is really going down the drain,” another said to me. “It doesn’t matter who it is. Obama and McCain both suck so badly, they don’t even rise to the level of satire. It’s a sign of the apocalypse!”
“WHY GOD? WHY?” I would have him asked for a clarification, but the police had to restrain him before he hurt himself.
In these bad times, is even asking for a decent subject of belittlement asking too much? Has our society fallen so far, candidates can’t even rise to that level of contempt? This humble reporter doesn’t know, but I’m sure it’s Bush’s fault.
Want a warped perspective on the “maverick” John McCain? Visit YankMcCain.com. At the very least, you’ll never see the word ‘maverick’ the same way again.
We have retired our poll on whether or not Barack or Hillary would win the Democrat nomination. Once again our readers hit the nail on the head. While it’s not official we figured we might as well start counting up your votes for the big prize in November.
Choose between Sen. John “Marverick” McCain and Barack H. “Messiah” Obama. We hope you don’t mind we took liberties to give each of them a military “call sign”. Afterall, one of them will become the new Commander in Chief and we just thought it would be fitting.
John McCain on Saturday Night Live. Wow! No sign of temper here and the audience seems to have enjoyed it. American politics… a comedy in its own right!!
The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK).
If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues, or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises. Take two good friends to the nearest state store or distributor and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER).
Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system. You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.
— [Hat Tip: megitt33] Thanks Meg. We will all be sure to avoid work like the plague!
(NEW YORK) — In a double-trade designed to end bitter recriminations, and “to let bygones be bygones”, retired Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre has been traded to the New York Jets, and in return, New York will send defeated presidential candidate Hillary Clinton to the Republican Party.
Sen. Clinton’s people had been in negotiations with victorious rival Barack Obama to get a prominent role in the Democrat Party’s convention in August, while the Packers had offered Mr. Favre a “marketing contract” worth some $20 million which would have sidelined him as well.
[+2 rating, 2 votes]
Loading ...
Loading ...
The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK).
