Scott Ott explains why Obama’s estimates of minority religious populations in America are actually majority populations.
(2009-06-03) — After announcing that the United States is “one of the largest Muslim countries in the world“, with an Islamic population soon to overtake number 50 (Mauritania), President Barack Obama today boasted that the U.S. is also the second largest Jewish nation on earth, “and moving up fast”.
“Only Israel has more Jews than us,” said President Obama. “and we’re catching up. Like our productive American Muslims, our Jews are working hard to make us number one in the world.”
The president said his administration would soon unveil a “religious stimulus proposal” designed to make the U.S. the largest Hindu nation on earth, as well as to overcome “the shocking Buddhist deficit and the shameful dearth of Taoists.”
The president’s plan will promote increased immigration of under-represented religious devotees from nations that have a surplus.
Funding for marketing and transportation will come from a modest tax on the weekly offerings of Christian churches, “since followers of Jesus are relatively plentiful and wealthy.”
— [Hat Tip: Scott Ott / ScrappleFace]
Obama in one bold stroke has come up with one cleaver loophole into which to thread both the Gitmo detainee dilemma he faces with his upcoming Supreme Court judge nomination bid. He should come out smelling like a rose… Genius as reported by Scott Ott / Scrappleface…
In an effort to shut down the U.S. Naval Detention Center at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, thereby restoring America’s moral standing in the world, President Barack Obama today declared some 240 enemy combatants held at Gitmo to be ‘human fetuses’.
In an executive order, the president said, “Since I ordered Gitmo shut down, and people don’t want us to bring the inmates here, the only way to extract them from the facility is to change their legal status to one that offers us more choices.”
While accused terrorists have access to attorneys, and nearly-limitless legal appeals, a fetus has no legal standing, cannot speak for itself, and is subject to the death penalty without regard to guilt or innocence.
Civil rights advocates have pressured Obama to follow through on campaign promises to shutter Gitmo, but even Democrats in Congress have resisted bringing the inmates to U.S. soil for trials and incarceration.
“We can debate whether enemy combatants have access to protections under the U.S. Constitution,” said Obama. “However, no serious person would grant such protection to an embryo or fetus. The loss of 240 fetuses wouldn’t raise an eyebrow in a nation where more than 3,000 of them hit the Dumpster daily.”
The president noted that America’s global reputation has been devastated by U.S. treatment of terror suspects, but that “our treatment of a million fetuses each year earns us nothing but admiration, and requests for clinic-funding from those who aspire to be like us.”
Sources acknowledged continuing White House debate about whether a terrorist who escapes from Gitmo alive can still be treated as a fetus.
Examiner columnist Scott Ott is editor in chief of ScrappleFace.com, the family-friendly news satire site, and anchor of ScrappleFace Network News (SNN), seen on YouTube.
One of the best pieces of satire from Scott we have seen this year! Just keep in mind, with Nancy Pelosi in a “spin cycle”, this story might seem more like fact than fiction, Especially when compared to the recent rantings eminating from the dizzy Speaker’s mouth as she tries to find a cleaver loophole of her own to filter through her CIA debacle.
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It’s been awhile since we ran our weekly Top Cartoon Satire of the Week. Here are a few choice picks from the top stories of the last few weeks…
If you have a few you would like to post yourself, feel free to register and request to be considered as a contributing author here at ZZ News and Satire.
It’s also been know to make flowers sprout out of your hat band… - ed
— [Hat Tip: meggit33]
Obama chill’n after hoops
(WASHINGTON) — With the debate over AIG executive bonuses nearly bringing official Washington to a standstill in the past three weeks, the Obama administration today expanded its plan to control Wall Street executive pay, adding provisions to limit compensation for star performers in the National Football League (NFL), National Basketball Association (NBA) and Major League Baseball (MLB).
“Some of these sports stars, like AIG execs, have negotiated sweetheart deals paying them millions of dollars, and yet they lose games,” said White House spokesman Robert Gibbs. “The president shares the outrage of the American people at these obscene salaries and bonuses. There’s nothing that makes the little people feel littler than the thought of these fat cats getting fatter just because that have specialized skills that are in high demand in a free-market economy.”
Indeed, the White House released a recent poll showing that 75 percent of Americans answered ‘Yes’ to the following question: “Do you believe President Obama should personally limit the compensation of anyone who earns a lot more than you do?”
“How hard can it be to show up on Sunday and toss a few passes?” said Mr. Gibbs. “The fact that some people earn a lot more money than others just demonstrates the savage inequalities inherent in a capitalist system, and explains why the president has taken deliberate action to end it.”
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Tuesday - Feb 24th, 2009
8:37 pm
Satire
For your entertainment… another classic from Mark Fiore…
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Tuesday - Jan 27th, 2009
11:04 pm
Satire
Now calls herself Eve, says economy has never been better
Satire based on: PELOSI SAYS BIRTH CONTROL WILL HELP ECONOMY
More satire can be found at The Picwit Picayune
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