Obama: US One of the Largest Muslim Nations

Scott Ott explains why Obama’s estimates of minority religious populations in America are actually majority populations.

(2009-06-03) — After announcing that the United States is “one of the largest Muslim countries in the world“, with an Islamic population soon to overtake number 50 (Mauritania), President Barack Obama today boasted that the U.S. is also the second largest Jewish nation on earth, “and moving up fast”.

“Only Israel has more Jews than us,” said President Obama. “and we’re catching up. Like our productive American Muslims, our Jews are working hard to make us number one in the world.”

The president said his administration would soon unveil a “religious stimulus proposal” designed to make the U.S. the largest Hindu nation on earth, as well as to overcome “the shocking Buddhist deficit and the shameful dearth of Taoists.”

The president’s plan will promote increased immigration of under-represented religious devotees from nations that have a surplus.

Funding for marketing and transportation will come from a modest tax on the weekly offerings of Christian churches, “since followers of Jesus are relatively plentiful and wealthy.”

— [Hat Tip: Scott Ott / ScrappleFace]

Obama: Gitmo prisoners to be given “fetus” status

Obama in one bold stroke has come up with one cleaver loophole into which to thread both the Gitmo detainee dilemma he faces with his upcoming Supreme Court judge nomination bid. He should come out smelling like a rose… Genius as reported by Scott Ott / Scrappleface…

In an effort to shut down the U.S. Naval Detention Center at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, thereby restoring America’s moral standing in the world, President Barack Obama today declared some 240 enemy combatants held at Gitmo to be ‘human fetuses’.

In an executive order, the president said, “Since I ordered Gitmo shut down, and people don’t want us to bring the inmates here, the only way to extract them from the facility is to change their legal status to one that offers us more choices.”

While accused terrorists have access to attorneys, and nearly-limitless legal appeals, a fetus has no legal standing, cannot speak for itself, and is subject to the death penalty without regard to guilt or innocence.

Civil rights advocates have pressured Obama to follow through on campaign promises to shutter Gitmo, but even Democrats in Congress have resisted bringing the inmates to U.S. soil for trials and incarceration.

“We can debate whether enemy combatants have access to protections under the U.S. Constitution,” said Obama. “However, no serious person would grant such protection to an embryo or fetus. The loss of 240 fetuses wouldn’t raise an eyebrow in a nation where more than 3,000 of them hit the Dumpster daily.”

The president noted that America’s global reputation has been devastated by U.S. treatment of terror suspects, but that “our treatment of a million fetuses each year earns us nothing but admiration, and requests for clinic-funding from those who aspire to be like us.”

Sources acknowledged continuing White House debate about whether a terrorist who escapes from Gitmo alive can still be treated as a fetus.

Examiner columnist Scott Ott is editor in chief of ScrappleFace.com, the family-friendly news satire site, and anchor of ScrappleFace Network News (SNN), seen on YouTube.

One of the best pieces of satire from Scott we have seen this year!  Just keep in mind, with Nancy Pelosi in a “spin cycle”, this story might seem more like fact than fiction, Especially when compared to the recent rantings eminating from the dizzy Speaker’s mouth as she tries to find a cleaver loophole of her own to filter through her CIA debacle.

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Bush Bashing Withdrawal Syndrome

Will the mockery of government become a less fashionable target for the comedy writers of late night television? Don’t expect things to CHANGE any time soon. There is little doubt in this writer’s mind that the MSM, and MSNBC in particular, will continue to trash the former administration and the political right regardless of how often Obama suggests that we should come together as a nation…

— [Hat Tip: Star Tribune]